“What to do when you and your bestie grow apart?”

—Brandi, Denver, Colorado

Brandi,
High school is a time of transition. Most students are aware of academic transitions and new obligations, such as added homework, a part-time job, and extracurricular activities, but many students aren’t prepared for changing friendships.

What might be the cause of these changes?
  • The opportunity to meet new friends because of the size and diversity of your high school.
  • New interests as you try different activities and interact with different people.
  • A much busier life. Between classes, homework, extracurricular activities, and responsibilities at home or work, you’re probably busier than ever before
What should you do when you realize you and your bestie are drifting apart?
  • Think about possible causes. Is it because you are both so busy? Is it because your interests have gone in different directions or you’ve started hanging out with a new group of friends?
  • Talk to your friend about the change to see if they have noticed it too.
  • Discuss how to get the relationship back on track (if that is what you both want). For example, if you’re both really busy or are spending most of your time with other people, agree to set up times for the two of you to get together and catch up.
When feeling this way about your friend, try to avoid:
  • Talking about the issue with someone else. This is a situation between you and your best friend. If you do confide in someone else, you run the risk of people “taking sides” or one of you getting hurt.
  • Turning it into a fight. If you and your friend agree to part ways, let it be. If you realize that you just aren’t best friends anymore, you still can be respectful and friendly to each other. That leaves the door open for the friendship to resume some day.